Now, I am far from a saint. But, motherhood has been a driving theme my entire life. My name means “Lamb” as in sacrificial lamb. As a child I felt like I needed protect my family at all costs. The cost of which you can’t even imagine. But that is a closed vault, past trauma long let go of, no place for in this happy life.
It was as if I was born a mother. It was the nickname my family gave me as a toddler. I took care of everyone. I cooked for the entire clan, all 8 plus of us through grade school. I cared for my half brothers when they were born and I was in grade school. My room was between my half brothers Eben and baby Elijah and my mother’s. So when Elijah cried in the wee hours, I consoled him, changed his diaper, bounced him, laid him back down. At the lake in the summer I always had a baby on my hip. When Eben cried and cried with his ear infections I rocked him until my mother and stepfather came home. No cell phones, no way to contact them, 3 miles out on a dirt road in the middle of New England’s God’s Country. Our cat even had babies in my bed! This is one of the highest compliments, in my opinion.
Before you continue, it helps to read my prior post~The Great Underdog Story of The Mavericks, Bing Russell and an Alienated, Non-custodial Mother.
That said, the joy and pains that come with mothering are deeply profound. I am so far away from the early pain of losing my children to parental alienation. I am, at half a century old, in a completely different space and time. It has been so long that it feels like it happened to someone else. Except for the days when I yearn for the innocence between us “before all that.”
Our culture is at a tipping point. We are largely unmarried or divorced. Staying together is viewed at almost miraculous these days. Divorce with children keeps repeating the same tragic destructive course. The court system is ill equipped to sort the emotional gray area surrounding a contentious split. I can’t imagine not thinking first of the children and keeping civility in focus. Even at the worst moments, ganged up on, no resources, did I ever speak badly of their father. And I was in my early 20s when it began, as naive as they come. I still refrain from talking badly. It is common sense to me. I am still hesitant for them to read my thesis. It would feel like surrendering to the dark side.
Thank goodness for the personal computer in the early 2000s, it helped me find chat groups filled with the suffering parents, particularly mothers shunned by society and desperate to hear that they are not alone. I felt after doing my research that I could fully move on and then I became pregnant with my 3rd child. In the biblical story, Rachel was unable to conceive until later in life when it is believed that God blessed her with fertility. She unknowingly sacrificed her true love to her sister.
It is an unbelievably painful experience-like death-losing a child. The words should not even be in the same sentence. To those out there that feel defeated, broken, unfairly targeted and at a disadvantage because you have no means to fight the good fight, remember this-the lessons are important. Unfair, yes, debilitating, yes. But, just never stop believing in yourself, reach higher, find YOU and if it is meant to be, they will come back to you. Or maybe not. Or maybe sometimes. But no matter what, this is YOUR life, not theirs. Make something of yourself, be a good person. That is the best revenge. BE FEARLESS. I painted the featured image and gave it to my oldest daughter. She keeps it in my grandsons’ room so they are not afraid of the darkness.
Would love to hear any good news or bad surrounding parental alienation and it’s place in today’s courts, please share!